August 26, 2013
Today Rebecca my wife is making her way from slight fever, cough, sore throat, malaise, and worry towards improvement though continued symptoms. I had my bout with COVID-19 with similar symptoms while we were touring Mt. Rainer over ten days ago. Plaxalovid did ameliorate the acute symptoms for both of us while we hunkered down at the Snoqualmie Falls Salish Lodge but after our return to Kailua Rebecca's viral infection raged. We had been in Seattle visiting the Pike's Place market, going on an undergrounds tour, and unfortunately milling around hoards of people visiting the market and though mask wearing we did get exposed to the virus. So we've been initiated into the pandemic virus but vaccinated we're not so compromised that we require more specialized treatment. Our trip did allow us to walk almost every day while in Seattle five or six miles with highlights of Pike's Market, the underground, and Chihuly Glass Museum and the Needle. Our rental home in the woods one half hour from Mt. Rainier National Park was clean, spacious and comfortable with full kitchen, washer dryer, etc. We car toured with short hike to waterfalls and beautiful landscapes of the volcanic mountain on two days and had an adventurous stressful hike up switchback forested slopes and down to complete the loop. Sharing this adventure with Rebecca's brother and sister-in-law that day she became exhausted on our return which was of some concern though we reconnected with our car and later she recovered.
I've been evaluating my character changes over the years in part taking an inventory of the changes I can identify over the years. Character flaws are aplenty but human growth of character has been a goal all along that I can identify. Failings are just another perspective while learning, changing, and gaining more perspective and distance to observe and reflect are my result. Certainly I can say I want to be rational so I can analyze and evaluate using cognitive reasoning and logic. There is the more spiritual, animal, elan vital ala Henri Bergson part of me that have guided me at time, driven me without forethought and caution at times, and given me pleasure in appreciating the arts, pursuing my piano playing, and enjoying the love and camaraderie of my relationships. I'll share a few examples. When in college as a sophomore I met Ann Greenwald a freshman and soon was overcome with desire, love, and after she left for study at the Sorbonne in Paris her sophomore year terrible longing, missing, and unhappiness until I visited her in Europe over the winter holidays. Cognition be damned I was hooked and driven by inner forces to be with her. Earlier while an adolescent I was taught by my first girlfriend so that libidinal inner forces captivated my mind but immaturity and lack of character prevented me from being a truly caring and loving person towards her. I did not not appreciating how I could be hurting her and harming our relationship. The character experiences that changed me over the years are myriad. Marriage with young children while training in medicine and psychiatry created forces for both of us to separate and pursue our own lives while demanding that we communicate and share responsibilities and our thought since parenting was very important to both of us and we wanted to be stable and involved with our children and each other. Friends, colleagues, mentors, sports participants, and study while learning to be a well rounded psychiatrist challenged and impacted my character gradually improved in that I was more aware of being part of humanity and needed to be open to other points of view and overcome prejudices. As a couple we socialized and learned to accept different points of view while participating in activities with groups and organizations whose goal was to include others, assist the needy, and join in engagement for ourselves, children, friends, and fellow citizens.
I accept that I have the same human side to me as everyone else that is not easily put into words. The processes of this side can give me clues in my dreams, fantasies, and inadvertent actions and slips of the tongue so I can attempt to bring the rational part of me more in line with the unconscious inner less accessible.
David Brooks recently wrote an article related to character development How American Got Mean https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2023/09/us-culture-moral-education-formation/674765/. He gives a number of examples of how our recent history over the past forty years have deemphasized moral development as part of our socializations experiences to better ourselves and our society. I recall the boy scouts experience as a child which was very positive, my religious experience to become Bar Mitzvah, fraternity living at college, and my interest in taking history, philosophy, art, and contemporary literature at college. Self help books, exposure to Erhard Seminar Training, participating in sports and Indian Guides and Indian Princess (yes now not pc but good experiences in my memory) with my children. My first office as administrator of the Kalihi Palama Mental Health Center was at Palama Settlement. I learned about the settlement inner cities state and federal acts that help create these inner city havens. I participated in learning some tagalog from Maryknoll nuns who were kind to me living in public housing servicing the poor and disabled. Self improvement through group involvements with the goal to have a greater caring more inclusive society was available and important but over these past forty years is much less present. Brooks makes a good point that without this involvement we have statistics showing increased loneliness, alienation, suicide, and what he call wounded narcissism. Our current political problems associated with these matters has the appeal to power, persuasion through more polished falsified media, and political changes that places especially the Republican Party as demagogue rabble rousing politicians interested in power rather than democracy.
I shared the Brook's article with some friends who make a good point that in Hawaii our experiences with our hiking groups and most of our neighbors have been positive not reflecting the anomie and unhappiness that Brooks write about. Nevertheless, I have seen in a neighbor animosity, egotistical attempted bullying, and unhappiness which she projects onto neighbors in a critical way. We're coping and dealing with this as best we can.
Since my character is flawed I’ll add some amusement. A friend made the point related to the Brook’s article that to him the Bible is the best moral guide books. I replied “The Bible does have a lot to offer and ponder so that you can even devote your life to the books and commentaries as do many ultra orthodox Jewish people do. They (men only) study while their wives wearing a wig after shaving their hair bear children, keeps house, works and have no social rights to complain when abused. So to me a book of wisdom is not changing an oppressive culture.” I agree that the bible does have some uplifting guidance to become a better more social person though following the directions without updating the advise and admonitions as written can sway the devotee to live anachronistically.
Leonard
Though I evaluate my character development as improved and more wholesome I do not applaud myself since I look forward to more positive changes.
Leonard
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