March 12, 2021

I have not been able to visit my sister Ruth for over one year. She lives in Temecula, California in assisted living condominium while I'm in Hawai'i. So we make do by talking on the telephone. Being siblings we do entertain ourselves sometimes believing our hubris smells sweeter than when we see the light of day after further discussion. For example, I can mention the vaccine roll out getting better and she can point out how she has heard from her friends in D.C. or New York that it's bad with groups getting access to the vaccine maybe unfairly. Or that the immigrant crisis at our border has gotten worse with Biden's presidency. She's heard that the mules are paid over $12,000 per person to get illegal people across the border. Since these people are poor someone else must be funding their entry. So tongue in cheek I suggested that she should now write a story with these elements and maybe a new conspiracy theory can be propagated. A great story line with Biden for some reason encouraging the border crossings and money paid for mules but for what end? In any case, we both realized that this conversation was leading nowhere except maybe to harden our disagreements rather than enjoying each other. She pointed out to me that being blind, disabled with the need for a walker, isolated in her small condominium she talks with her many friends, listens to her voice books, listen to her TV stations and gets some sporadic news. Easily we veered off our dystopian views to some memories that we shared. She recalled when Sarah my daughter was an infant we were at Volcano National Park walking and then viewing the bubbling lava lake so close then running to escape the shift in the wind bringing the dangerous sulfur smelling gasses in our direction. She shared fond memories of her husband and she enjoying the beauty with walks in the park. Today we talked about our memories of cooking and family time on Mott Avenue in Far Rockaway in apartment 3C.  She recalled grandmother and mother's cooking gefilte fish and beef stew with her helping shuck peas and going to the fish market to pick out thelive carp. She reminded me that we had a projector and she and I would watch cartoons projected on the wall with our parents. She recalled that around Christmas we has a small tree and grandmother hung her hose stockings full of candy. Our parents did give us some very happy times growing up. I shared how Rebecca cooked all day yesterday to make a big pot of vegetable lentil soup which we enjoyed with David, Katherine, and Lindsey last evening. She was interested in how Katherine was doing and we acknowledged that our sharing these memories and experiences was very nice and loving. 

Yesterday, while playing the piano my friend called. Non stop he said he was calling to share that he was a racist person who was isolated, overweight, very unhappy, and lonely. He wanted me to know how he valued our friendship mentioning some of the adventures and activities we shared through the years. When I tried to respond by talking he continued to talk about his past experiences with his mother and father who he greatly respected, his life in Florida where he had a rescue horse, lived in a wilderness area by himself, met a group of black very oppressed family group who were nice to him, and took them to Daytona Beach where they were not supposed to be (white only I presume). He then shared how he was homeless for a time in Baltimore while at dental school and was assaulted by others who he identified as black hoodlums. He then ranted about how the "colored" and the "niggers" were having families of over ten children, on welfare, and unemployed committing crimes, etc. He was aware that his relationship with his partner Mary was not good because of his isolation, dysphoria, and health problems. As he was apologizing for being a racist then vigorously declaring racist views Rebecca took hold of the iPhone and interrupt his rant attempting to reason with him. I was impressed again at her ability to stop this stream of consciousness coming through the phone to get him to answer some yes and no questions which stopped him and got him to acknowledge that we're all human and in the same boat (Sapolsky comes to mind the we versus the other). Ruth recalled a dinner date we had a few years ago at a chinese restaurant where Bruno dominated the conversation with his ill humour. Clearly I feel helpless in communicating with him since on the phone I can't get a word in. I'd like to just hand out but so far he says he'd like that but can not commit to any suggestion I've given. He mentioned that he was taking some antidepressant but has decided to stop which I think is a bad idea. So Rheinhold Neibuhr inspired Alcoholic Anonymous to adopt part of his prayer "   God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference. "

So it 's been raining a lot here with the forecast for more tomorrow but I wanted to go hiking. Rebecca finally agreed to our hiking Hoomaluhia Botanical Gardens but I'm suggesting entering at the no exit portion which now has led to some misgiving in some of the people invited. I'm following the rules just skirting around the edges to enter the park where people probably are not advised. Reminds me of my young adult days when courting Ann. The summer after I met her I invited her to Atlantic Beach New York and in the evening when closed snuck onto a beach club pool to swim with her. She was not in the pool and I took off my bathing suit Speedo when the guard came with flash light. I managed to get the speedo on with some consternation since its was wrapped like a spaghetti knot. Rule breaking but no serious consequence. It may have something to do with my political outlook. A friend commented the other day while on a hike that I am the most liberal person he knows (re political outlook). In any case our sharing of societal concerns are more intune with each other so I think he has become more liberal. 

Projection is a defensive mechanism in which our inner ugliness is seen in another. If Trump said that our problems stem in part from our being accomodating to our neighbor citizens who want to live in our country who are criminal, rapists, and low lifes, we should have no problem just throwing them back into their country or the neighboring country. Sure maybe the children are separated from their parents but why should that be our problem. Then 90 some days later with Biden we have an great influx of border crossings which his administration has not encouraged but has publicly declared were illegal and should not take place. Projection includes the psychological mechanism of attributing cause external to us. So it's Biden's fault in the opinion of some. But how can that be that just 90 days later he's somehow managed to cause a great crisis at the border? How about the years of exploitation from our farming, manufacturing, and tourism industry using illegal immigrants for cheap labor for their profits. There is a long history of exploitation depending on immigrant aspirations and greed of employers while we ignored and even encouraged chaos and dictatorships in latin american countries (two recent books that I read concerning these issues include Here We Are: American Dreams, American Nightmares (A Memoir) by Aarti Namdev Shahani  and  Silver Sword, and Stone by Marie Arana). So projection can lead to conspiracy thinking and paranoia. My friend Bruno unfortunately uses projection and introjection. Introjection includes taking in as part of ourselves the disgust and rejection we project onto others. 

Oh well. I've made it to the toilet a few times to finish the digestion of the great lentil soup of yesterday and have dumped some more hubris onto you Oh reader all in good humour and joy of living!

Leonard